Many of my dear readers will ask themselves, why in god's name someone like me should be even considered to be driving on any street or any vehicle. Well this article is not about that. Rather I will explain the most efficient and fun way of learning how to drive.
First thing you will have to do, is to buy or "buy" a copy of Grand Theft Auto. Preferrably a version above GTA 3, since you want to have a realistic simulation! Install it and begin with the 10 step learning plan:
1. Find a car and start it. You will see the accelerator as well as the decelarator at your foot. Just step hard on the accelerator until you reach maximal speed.
2. Do not get angry and do not show it to your fellow drivers.
3. If you encounter any vehicles in front of you, you are safe to change lanes. Try to push slow drivers off the street, if they take too much space. It is not advised to cut off the street turning left, when a big truck is involved. Unless you are the truck.
4. Please stay calm, if the techno hippies with their loud cars and disco lights appear in your rear mirror.
Make sure you keep pace with them, otherwise they will run you the fuck down.
5. Sometimes you need to drive slower, even though just in rare cases. In that case you quickly step on and off the accelerator. The higher your frequency, the faster. If you really have to brake, step on the decelerator. It is advised to keep pressing the decelerator to move backwards to preserve fuel.
6. It is not advised to drive on sideways. Pedestrians may slow you down.
7. Driving with damaged cars is unsafe; make sure your car is always maintained. Otherwise take another car.
8. Crossings are dangerous. To avoid damage, drive through the crossing very fast.
9. Do not shoot firearms on a highway or at traffic signs. You may miss.
10. Put your seatbelt on.
What are you waiting for? Get your driver's license now!
1 Kommentar:
Great laugh! :)
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